He had been staring at the painting for several minutes without realizing time slipping by. The paint brush in his hand was halfway to the canvas, the paint on it dropped to the floor and dried. Sai had never been this happy with any of his paintings before. It was, in his mind, perfect. The eyes staring back at him from the canvas made his heart beat fast, and his brush hand shake so badly that he no longer dared to touch the painting, in the fear of somehow ruining the perfection he had managed to create.
Slowly he lowered the brush on to the paint palette and sighed deeply. He wanted to reach his hand and touch that flawless pale cheek, but he knew it was just paint. He would never again be able to touch the person smiling seductively at him from the painting. Smiling the same smile he saw every night in his dreams. The smile that he remembered every morning when waking up tangled into his sheets, feeling alone and too heated to sleep a moment longer. The smile he had to wash the mentioned sheets every morning for.
Sai moaned quietly and turned away from the inviting expression. He couldnt stand those dark eyes, they tortured him, ignited a fire in him that made him forget everything else. He sighed again when his gaze found a pile of photographs lying on the table next to his paints. He took them carefully and lovingly into his hands, walked to a big armchair and started browsing trough them. The edges of the photos were ragged from touching. He could see all the photos in his mind just as clearly as on paper, could have from the moment he had gotten them from Danzou.
These were work photos, found from old archives. Sais fingers slid on a photo carefully. The incredibly beautiful black eyes were staring straight into his soul from the photo. The eyes that all others thought were empty and cold, but that hid so much pain. And he was the only one who knew about it. He and Danzou and a few other officials in high places, people who would never talk about it, who cared nothing for ruining this mans life.
Sai closed his eyes and drifted into memories that kept him sane. To the day that made him realize there were things worth living for in this world that seemed to consist only work. To the day that nobody else would ever find out about. Because just like everything else in Itachis life, it was also a secret that nobody would ever know.
~ ~ ~
It had only been a few months ago when he had gotten a full free day from his commanders. On his way out from the ANBU headquarters he had stopped to listen for a whispered conversation after hearing a familiar name mentioned. Kneeling down in a dark corridor he had heard that Itachi had been seen near Konoha just hours ago. His heart had started beating so fast that he had been afraid he would be discovered from his hiding place.
He had run in the dark for hours and then suddenly Itachi was there, in front of him. Close enough to touch. Sai felt for the first time and the feeling made him desperate. He didnt even know why he had wanted to find Itachi. What could he do? He was powerless. It would be impossible to change anything. And now the man was staring at him coldly, waiting for an explanation before the kill.
Soon Sai was in the strong hold of Itachis powerful hands. The man was radiating something that made him powerless. He tried to explain why he had come, talking fast and disorganisedly, and the black stare penetrated his very soul, telling him that the man didnt believe a word he said. I know that you didnt do it by your own free will. You were obeying those above you, youre innocent. Itachi laughed as an answer, but as cold as he tried to keep his laugh, it sounded desperate in Sais ears.
For a moment he was sure Itachi would kill him. Nervously he bled out all his emotions to the man, all the anger and the pain that he felt because Itachi had been used and thrown away afterwards like he had no importance. Sai was not supposed to be able to feel. He was shocked of his own outburst and the look on Itachis face finally quieted him down.
Then, whispering heatedly, Itachi denied him of ever mentioning his words to anyone. His grip on Sais wrists turned tender and his weight on the younger man didnt feel as threatening anymore.
After that neither of them needed words.
Itachi, who had always considered himself stronger than others, could not resist the chance to live one night in a lie. Lie that was really just a truth that nobody would ever know.
For one night they drowned each other in tender kisses and touches and pretended that all was well, that they could really act this way. For a moment they were both so open, so vulnerable, that Itachis hard cover broke apart and as he held Sai tightly in his arms, he kept whispering into his ear Remember me over and over again.
Sai understood that Itachi knew he was dying soon, was even waiting for that moment and had prepared himself for it.
Their hearts were beating painfully fast as they drowned their thoughts and aches for even a little while into each others scent, skin and touches. Sai had never had such a gentle lover and he knew it wouldnt last for long. When this stolen moment would be over, Itachi he learned to know, would be gone again.
They were awake the whole night and fell asleep exhausted on sunrise. When Sai woke up, Itachi offered him a bite to eat without saying a word. In silence they ate, sitting side by side on a warm rocky cliff, too tired to get dressed. Sai knew he would have to return to Konoha by sundown and nothing had ever felt so repulsive. He tried to talk to Itachi. Asked him to leave, to go away. They could go together and would never have to return. Itachi told him to be quiet or he would leave immediately and Sai had to close his mouth. Until Itachi opened it again with a tender kiss that was full of wordless apology.
When Sai woke again, later in the evening, Itachi was gone. He had left Sai no mementos of himself. Sais body and soul ached as he walked slowly back to Konoha, easily sneaking past the guards into the village, where he walked in the darkness back into his small apartment. That night he painted the first painting of many. The first memory.
~ ~ ~
Sai slid to the floor, clutching the photos carefully in his hands, afraid to wrinkle them. They were all that he had left of Itachi.
This morning, the thing that Sai had been waiting ever since he had walked away from Itachi, had happened.
The messenger had brought them the news like a good tiding. Itachi was dead. Everyones mouths had turned up into smiles when hearing it. Fortunately for Sai, everyone had always thought him unable to feel. Nobody took notice of him as he stared at the celebration, his mouth a thin like and his eyes emotionlessly staring forward. Nobody had noticed when he had run home, grabbed his paint brush and started painting. Nobody would come looking for him until his next assignment would force him out and to confront the people he was living amongst.
He was in love with the biggest traitor of Konoha, the hero whose heroic deeds were now buried with his death. But even when everyone else would want to forget the man ever existed, he would always remember him.
He lifted his face towards the walls and let his eyes drift from painting to painting, from black eyes to black eyes. Dozens of paintings of Itachi were covering the wooden walls of his apartment where nobody would ever be invited. The smiling soft lips, black eyes that helped him to drift into dreams, a naked body on a hard rocky cliff, half strangled laughter, long thin fingers on heated, soft skin.
He would paint his every memory onto his walls, every second spent with Itachi, because that one day was an entire life for him.
Itachi would always be alive here. Here nobody would be able to kill him, to destroy his memory. Here he would always be loved.
Warning: BIG spoilers from the Naruto manga (up from ch 398)
My first ever written work here at DA. And it's not like I don't write. A lot! I just write too smutty so I can't show anything here *pouts*
This is a Naruto fanfic, with the pairing Itachi/Sai. It's written for a "weird pairings" contest to the [link] .
Because the story was originally written in Finnish, I wasn't going to translate the whole thing into English but... it won the contest (eee <3), so I decided to translate after all. And finally I have a fic to show here too
I hope you enjoy it Please comment if you read. I feed from comments ^^
you don't read it? O.o the manga is much better than the anime, btw And is anyone ever gay? Well, Kakuzu & Hidan are obviously a couple. Suigetsu is molesting Sasuke while being naked, Orochimaru wants Sasuke's body, actually the whole gang of Orochimaru's is... very gay. Konohamaru is learning yaoi jutsus and Sai has a penis obsession, especially towards Naruto's penis. So... yes
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